I hate Mondays. I always have and I think I always will. There's just something awful about them....
Well, it has been quite some time since I've last blogged mainly because our computer is caput but hopefully we will get it back soon. Thanks Ron for helping us out!!!
Jeremy asked me the other day when I planned on blogging again and I'll tell you what I told him.... I feel as though I relive the same day over and over again. Day after day. Week after week. Who wants to read about my life that is currently on a hamster wheel?? Even when I change the scenery or do something different, I still feel the same.
We have a wreath on our front door that is made of white feathers with a big pink bow on the bottom. I have put my hand up so many times as I've gone in the house thinking "I should take this down now" but I just cannot do it. It's like saying "I'm over her and ready to move on" if I take it down. And I'm not over her. I'm not ready to move on and I'm not sure that you ever fully recover. Our library table is covered with cards and her momentos that I just need to have out right now. It's like she's in the house with us when I see those little baby things. I just want her to be with us so badly that I feel physically sick some days. God has comforted me so much but it's impossible to not suffer for the loss of something so precious.
We are going on a family vacation in a few weeks and I'm very excited about spending time with my peeps. Jeremy has even been to the tanning bed a few times in order to "knock off the white." Looking forward to sun, sand and surf for a whole week!!! The last time I was at the beach was about 2 weeks before Elizabeth was born and I remember being scared that she wasn't moving very much that week. I stayed up all night one night waiting for her to move. I think she was lulled to sleep by the ocean every day, all day. :) Sweet baby girl.
This past Tuesday I headed to Hartselle to visit my dad's family for a few days. The McGee clan always have room for me and just include me in their activities. We went swimming and shopping and had trouble finding a decent lunch one day (long story). Aunt Carol gave me a beautiful brush and comb set before I left on Thursday. She had bought it before we found out about Elizabeth's condition and she thought she would just hold on to it until we had another baby but decided that it was meant to be Elizabeth's. Our girl had so much hair that she needed a couple of brush and comb sets!! Of course, the best part about visiting Aunt Carol and Uncle Donald is eating Uncle Donald's okra. Aunt Carol is a great cook and she knows that I LOVE okra!!! Thanks for sharing it with me! I love you all!!
Well, I need to get some things done today but just wanted to check in with my blogger friends. Thank you for continuing to follow our journey. We love you.
Johnna
Thanks for updating...even though I can't imagine how hard it must be. Hope you have a great time at the beach! There's something about the beach that is always relaxing, even though its 100+ degrees!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you!
ReplyDeletewe love you too!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear from you again!! About 3 months after we lost Olivia, I struggled with thinking that everyone felt I needed to be "done already" with this. I just couldn't, and to make it harder, it seemed like Stewart was moving through his grief much faster than I was. We decided to go to a grief support group at a local church. While it wasn't the best fit for our situation, I left there with something that I still look at every day. The leader gave us a simple silver chain with a heart hanging from it. Her instructions were to put it somewhere where I would see it every day, many times a day. Its significance was to remind me and to tell others who asked about it that it takes a long time to heal a broken heart. The necklace found its home on our rear view mirror that night and hasn't left since. Many days I have looked up at that necklace and somehow it gave me permission to stay on my own hamster wheel as long as I needed to! Keep walking - the sun shines brightest after the rain!
ReplyDeleteI still think of you and pray for you often!
ReplyDeleteI continue to pray for you and Jeremy every day!
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but I just want you to know that you and your family are in my prayers.It is strange to hurt so bad for a couple that I don't even know. I often check to see if you have blogged because I care so much about how you guys are doing? God has put you deeply on my mind and heart and I pray that He allows that sweet baby girl to look down and see how much her earthly Mommy and Daddy love her. (I like to think that God allows loved ones to check in on us and maybe even blow sweet tender kisses our way.) Thank you for keeping the faith because you have been such an inspiration to me!!!!!!! God Bless You!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you....this is a difficult journey full of so many different twists and turns. You are wise to go with how you are feeling and not push the feelings away. You will never be over Elizabeth Ann...never moving on, only slowly moving forward. Taking her with you in your heart.
ReplyDeleteI am praying you will feel His arms around you so tight...even in the moments you don't think you can take another breath. You are so loved and such an amazing mama.
Sending love,
Laura