Monday, February 15, 2010

Just say no to cake....

It has been quite a few weeks since I last posted but we're still here just incredibly busy this semester. I've kind of overloaded my platter and struggling to keep everything in balance! Hopefully things will lighten up over the next few weeks and I can begin to feel in control again.

Of course, additional life stressors begets tossing and turning at night, bad dreams, stomach upsets, etc... Those symptoms have been a regular part of my life for the past year and I was just beginning to enjoy life without them. It is amazing how your mental state truly makes a difference on your physical health. Jeremy and I have been seriously dieting since mid-October and though it may be difficult to tell, we have both lost a fair amount of weight! Yea for us, right? Well, when I get stressed my body shuts down and weight loss becomes very difficult and that's exactly where I am right now.

Most of you that know me know that I've been overweight for most of my adult life. Even when I began high school, I thought that I was fat (145 lbs). What I wouldn't give to be 145 again!! I've carried a great deal of guilt about Elizabeth's condition and my weight being a factor. Unfortunately, we know very little about every problem she might have had because of inconclusive genetic testing but I have read about "caudal regression symdrome" which can been attributed to maternal diabetes/obesity. That being said, none of the doctors have felt that my weight had anything to do with her conditions BUT I will not let that be a factor the next time we choose to get pregnant.

I guess this ties in to the question we've been getting lately which is "So, are you going to try again?" Whenever someone asks this they always have a really sad little look on their face so it's hard for me to be really angry at them for being so nosey. But still, it's a very personal question and one that I would not want to ask anyone let alone a couple that has experienced a traumatic loss of their first child.

So if you've wanted to ask me but haven't then here is my answer.... We will when we are ready. I am not ready. I am not sure when I will be ready. I am not sure that I will ever be ready. But does that mean that I do not want us to try again? No, it just means that another pregnancy will probably bring more nervous anticipation than new baby excitment and that is not something that I necessarily look forward to.

I want to be more physically prepared for another pregnancy by passing a few more milestones but I also know that I would like to celebrate Lizzy Ann's birthday anniversary before trying again. That is a very important day in our memory and I want it to be celebrated without being overshadowed by another baby's pending arrival.

We appreciate all of the hugs and prayers that are still going out for us. Please don't stop reading or commenting. We do treasure your thoughts and words of support.



  1. Hi Johnna! I completely understand the whole weight issue... it is something that I am constantly worried about. Congratulations on your recent weight loss! Don't worry, things will settle down soon and it will start to come off again :)

  2. We have never me but I have kept up with your story. I know it is easier said than done, but you cannot beat yourself up. I have not been in your shoes, so I cannot imagine what your going through. I think you should continue the blog. Your story inspires people and sadly it reminds others to appreciate the children they have. I have friends that have been through difficult pregnancies and they are all different. Some ended in loss and others have been able to celebrate birthdays & holidays with their children. God will guide you in your journey just as he has done up to this point. I have a plaque above the mantel on my fireplace. I read it several times every day. "When life gets too hard to stand...kneel"

  3. Hey you two,
    It is so hard to face all those questions and "what ifs". Your mind will play tricks and the blame game starts all over again. I too hated that nosey question!! Why in the world do people think that we lose a child and it's just forgotten so move on? I really had to pray myself through some of those questions. I also had to remember that "most" people have a good heart when asking and in no way mean to harm you. I think you will know when it is time and it may be later this year or in 5 but you will know. I want you to also know that God will give you peace about that decision if you will just ask. What great parents you are and will be to a future child. Hang onto your hope for better tomorrows! David and I pray, think about, and love both of you dearly and will forever feel a connection that only the ones of us that held those special angels will know!

  4. Getting ready to conceive again is quite an emotional journey. Like you, I had some health issues that I wanted to clear up before I got pregnant with our rainbow baby just to remove any shadow of doubt from my mind. The good news is that while my pregnancy was lousy just like the rest of them, Katie was my healthiest kid on ultrasound. As a result of making healthy life style changes before I got pregnant with her, I have found it easy to maintain those habits and feel better now than ever. Good luck to you! (And FWIW, I do not believe for one second that your weight influenced her kidney issues. I have many other Potter's mommy friends that all care deeply about their babies, don't do anything harmful during pregnancy, etc. - it just simply happens. God chooses special families to send these babies to.)