Well, we had a great weekend visiting our friends, Ginger & Bruce in Chattanooga. They are in the midst of finding a good buyer for their home and trying to make plans for Bruce to house hunt in Alaska. Plus, they have 11 month-old twins (boy & girl) so they are super busy right now trying to prepare for the big move.
Jeremy asked me a couple of times this weekend how I was doing because he was worried about me being around babies. Actually, Ginger's are not little babies anymore so it didn't bother me really but being around any small children/babies always makes my mind wander to the "what-ifs" of course. That is just natural and I've tried to avoid my friends that have very small infants because I don't know exactly how I would react. Easier just to avoid the unknown right now....
As I stood in line at TJ Maxx yesterday, I noticed a woman behind me toting tons of stuff to the register. She was very pregnant and I just thought, "Get a buggy, lady." She started talking to an acquaintance in the line and was explaining that she would probably have to deliver at 38 weeks because the baby was very large, etc. Towards the end of the conversation she said and I quote, "I just want this over with." Only God kept me from jumping her and telling her how incredibly selfish she was being by wanting to "get it over with." Those moments are more frequent these days primarily because I'm more aware of pregnant women now than I ever have been in my life.
I started thinking last week about the demographic we will be in if things keep progressing as is. For a long time, we were in the married/no children group and then we started trying and were in the the married/trying for kids (but not announcing it) group. That was not a fun group to be in because nosey/rude people just kept assuming that they could ask us why we didn't have kids yet!! But now, we are in the married/soon-t0-be-parents group and may only get to be members for a short time before people put us back in the married/no children group. I don't know why that bothers me so much but it really does. Jeremy and I will always be Elizabeth Ann's parents no matter how short her time with us may be and I hope that our family, friends and others can always see that her presence in our lives was real.
Even though Elizabeth's presence on earth may be brief, we know that her life has purpose and we don't ever want to trivialize what her time with us really is... a miracle. Think about it, a baby with no kidneys and no fluid has lived in me for 30 weeks and has made great progress during that time. God has allowed her to grow and thrive during these 30 weeks!! I have read hundreds of stories about babies with BRA and so many of them are induced early or are born still at 20-26 weeks and I am so grateful for the time we have had with our sweet girl. Jeremy and I keep talking about the gift we have been given.... Time. God allowed us to discover this condition early on and make our hearts ready for the possible outcomes. But during this time, we have developed an immense bond with our baby that many parents may never have even though they may raise a child to adulthood.
Keep praying for us and praying for a miraculous healing of our girl. Pray that God will give me a "stupid people" shield over the next few weeks. I'm very sensitive these days and many comments/actions have sent me overboard when just a few weeks ago I wouldn't have batted an eye. I've been selfishly asking for prayer for Jeremy and I and failing to ask for prayer for my family. They have suffered immeasureably over the past 15 weeks as well and have been so helpful in making preparations for delivery and after. They have faithfully prayed for us and been diligent in checking on us frequently. We have a wonderful family and are so thankful for their love and support. Please pray for them as they tend to us and help us prepare for the coming weeks.
-John & Jo (my mom and dad)
- Barbara (Jeremy's mom)
-Jessica & Chris (my sister and her husband)
- Charles & Melissa (Jeremy's brother and his wife)
-Aunt Margaret, Walter, Futrals, D. Hayden's, J. Hayden's
- Uncle Donald & Aunt Carol, D. McGee's and Parmer's
- Aunt Nina, Aunt Christine & Uncle Joe (and their families)
Medical Prayers- Please pray for these medical professionals that will caring for Elizabeth and I.
-Dr. Stutts (OB)
- Melinda (ultrasound tech)
- Dr. Stutts entire staff
-Dr. Head (delivery doctor)
- Dr. Head's nurses and staff
- Labor/Delivery nurses at hospital
After our first MFMC visit in January, Jeremy, my parents and I met with Bro. Mike & Mrs. Mary at FBCP to talk and pray for few minutes. As we talked, my dad grabbed a bible and read to us Psalm 139:16. At first, I hated that verse because I felt like it was condemning my baby to death but as God worked on my heart, I began to see the verse as a praise to God for allowing us each moment, no matter how brief. God has made a place for me, Jeremy and now Elizabeth Ann in Heaven and we know that we will one day be a complete family. I have mourned for our earthly loss but have no doubt that Heaven will rejoice should Elizabeth join the ranks of Angels. God has ordained her life to be one of near perfection and I am thankful for the chance to hold a sweet angel while she is here on earth.
Psalm 139 13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.