My friend, Rene, just sent great news about her husband, John's condition. He has really improved over the last 2 days and they have cut down his ventilator to a 4. He also does not have an infection of any sort and is being taken off antibiotics. John has been in and out of the hospital for different things over the past year and I know he and his family are ready for him to be home and on the road to recovery. Keep praying for his complete recovery and their safe travels to and from Huntsville each day.
I know you are all praying for our sweet baby and for us often. Thank you again for your love and support. I'm not good at asking for things for myself (Jeremy might occasionally disagree with this statement :) but I've had some bad days lately. Things are finally sinking in and I'm not as okay as I thought I was at the beginning of this journey. I cannot accurately describe what I'm feeling because I've never felt this way before. If you know my family, you will understand this sentence.... I have lived a wonderfully blissful and blessed life (notice I didn't say perfect because God truly knows my many missteps). I've been blessed with Godly parents, Precious sister, Perfect husband, Loving family, Happy career, etc... I have never in my life experienced the pain and sorrow that I'm faced with each waking day and I've never leaned so heavily on God and my family before either.
Generally speaking, I'm uber independent and rarely ask for help but things are different for me now. When tragedy strikes, you are immediately surrounded by love and support but as you continue your daily trudge, others go about their life (as they should) and you can begin to feel alone. I'm sure many of you have experienced this feeling before and can relate. The difference for me is that I have a miracle growing in me everyday and feel incredible guilt for letting sadness be a part of my life. Mainly because I know and feel that God's hand is on me and my baby!! He is the only reason I'm able to get up and get dressed most mornings and go about my required activities. Just keep praying for us (specifically for me these days) and of course for sweet Baby Stafford...
On a more positive note, I do think that the last Dr.'s appointment was off a little in their measurements of Baby because over the past week I can really see a difference in my big belly. My uterus is higher (top above my belly button now) and since the baby is transverse, I regularly feel kicks to my sides (or as Jeremy would call them; haunches). It is an amazing thing to see God's miracle of life transform even my pudgy body and I'm grateful for every weird but awesome change. I believe that the baby may be closer to 1 lb. now even though the head measurement may reflect a smaller weight when we see Dr. Stutts again. Sorry if that was a little TMI for some of you....
Love you all,
Johnna
"When tragedy strikes, you are immediately surrounded by love and support but as you continue your daily trudge, others go about their life (as they should) and you can begin to feel alone. I'm sure many of you have experienced this feeling before and can relate. The difference for me is that I have a miracle growing in me everyday and feel incredible guilt for letting sadness be a part of my life."
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up over feeling sad. I'd be worried if you DIDN'T! The spectrum of emotions that you have gone through and will experience over the next few months will be the highest highs and the lowest lows and everything in between.
I am grateful for the time we had between our ultrasound and when I delivered nearly three months later because it allowed me to process through much of the sadness, disbelief and grief before she was born. By the time Elizabeth arrived, I was exuberant about finally meeting her. Many tears were shed, but more tears of joy than of sadness. I noticed, and other women I've talked to have said the same, that I went through a predictable cycle of emotions over and over and over. Finally once we got past her first birthday, those cycles stretched longer and shallower.
Hang in there~
God gave us the emotion of sadness and it's when we are sad that we need to lean on Him more! It's ok to be sad. Continuing to pray for a miracle for your sweet little one!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and for peace as you trust your Heavenly Father through this.
ReplyDeleteTobitha
Hi Johnna! I thank God every time I remember you. (you radiate God's goodness and warmth and draw others into your warmth). I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first until now (there is no question of your faith- I see God using you in a mighty way- that does bring me great joy!) being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Johnna, the seed of faith has been planted in your soul- because of your obedience to live in Him YOU have been given the fruits of the Spirit...which I see you planting in others lives...You are not alone- God lives in you and will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. He began this journey with you- He will see you through ALL the way) ...and this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ ( may you continue to rely on His strength- each step) filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ- to the glory and praise of God. Phillipians 1:3-6,9-11 words in parenthesees, mine.
ReplyDeletecontinuously praying,
love you, gal!
Oh, Johnna, my heart aches for you. I just found your blog and read all of your posts to catch up. I cannot even imagine how you and your husband must feel. I know that you know the promises of our God. He will hold you up when you don't feel you can possibly stand any longer. I wish I lived near you to come and give you a big hug. I will be in constant prayer for an amazing miracle. And, for peace and comfort for you as you enjoy your pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Abbie (Capuzzo) Greer